Sunday, May 27, 2012

questions in my head

OK, I know it's been a little over three yearws since I last wrote, but I've been meaning to get back here and really need to write today. In just over 5 months, my dad and I will be traveling to Bolivia with Compassion International, a Christian child sponsorship organization that I've been sponsoring through for 6 years or so, but haven't really gotten truly involved until about 11 months ago, thanks to Our Compassion, a companion site where sponsors can get together to talk. Dad and I will be able to meet my 7-year-old sponsored child Jimena, a little girl who lives in poverty. To get ready for this trip, Dad and I have been riding our tandem bike a lot in order to get in shape for the altitude of the Bolivian mountains. However, I've also been doing some soul-searching/pondering about how this trip will affect us. Lately I've been reading the blogs from the Compassion Bloggers who traveled with Shaun Groves to Tanzania. Since I'm reading "backwards" (from newest to oldest), I've been reading their reactions to their trip first. It has made me start wondering what will happen on our trip: Will Dad be able to not make snide comments about the people we're going to meet? Will he feel anything? What will I get out of this? What will Jimena's reaction be to my blindness? How will this trip change me? Change us? I've especially worrying about my dad. He offered to go on this trip, I think because Mom doesn't want to go. I don't mean to sound like I'm ungrateful to my dad, but it's kind of scary to think of what will happen. I know I should just leave it in God's hands, because I know He has everything worked out even 5 months ahead of time. I just have to trust Him, lean on Him, and be assured that He will take care of it. I also worry about myself: Will I get anything out of this trip? Everyone always takes lots of pictures on these kind of trips, whether just for memory's sake or for devotional purposes. Will I be missing a huge part of this because I can't see? (side note: This is starting to sound extremely childish, my talking about my inadequacy. I'm sure I'll get something out of this...I'm just terrified.) Friends, I would ask for prayers for strength. I'm just feeling very uncertain and...undeserving, I guess. Thanks.

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